Desires

I want to go Taiwan & Japan!

I want a camera =(

I want a ring coz bvlgari one looks nice.

I want a toy poodle cos look like teddy.

I want you to hug me to sleep every night.

I want you to bring the smile to my face when i'm down.

I want to run to you for every little problem.

I want to be free to do whatever I want everyday.

I want to be rich.

I want assets.

I want my own spa.

I want my own nail salon.

I want my own food place.

I want our own wine place.

I want you to be happy and free like me.

I want us to be happy without quarrels together.

I want to travel the world.

I want to fly first class everywhere.

I want to be tipsy with you.

I want to be able to snuggle in bed whenever I feel like it.

I want to be forever young.

I want to be able to be a child forever.

I want a never ending wish list.

For that, i'll use my gift -- my brains to realise all the wants I have.

Thoughts

Been reading rich dad, poor dad. Really like that book. It is a mind opener and makes me believe that I can learn how to be rich. I really want to be rich but at the same time not blinded by what money can buy.

I really do not want to get stuck in the rat race and find myself waiting for paychecks to foot yet bigger debts. No way! Do not want that to happen to me.

We chatted about our future. I communicated to him clearly that i really want to be successful one day. I want to live comfortably, financially free. I really want that for my future. Yet I know that it hurts him when i admit that i cant see my future with him yet. I'm really sorry for any hurt and grief but I've yet to find it suitable for us to settle down although deep down i really want to settle down with someone I love and live everyday happily.

Happiness is really hard. Simple yet hard to get. I'm trying. Still trying.

Nevertheless, i still love you. May not love you so deep yet but i may have the whole life ahead of me to love u deeper and deeper. Dont you agree?

My beliefs

I believe we are who we want to be.
I believe that I can be better.
I can do better.
I believe that I can lead the life that I want, as long as I am hunger enough with the desire.
I want.

Men, Boys, Guys, they are all the same, no?

I remember that u once told me not to compare u with all those guys out there but u r slowly becoming like them --- insensitive, not bothered, demanding, stubborn...
What happened?

U know sometimes, I just hope that you'll surprise me with something sweet like a sweet gift or a small surprise. I may be asking for a lot... but I am still hoping. I didnt really want to write all these in my blog cos I know that you'll read but I need somewhere to vent my sadness and somehow, some part of me hopes that you'll read my thoughts aloud and digest what i've been saying to you all these while. I know that u r busy with studies and all but I feel so invisible in front of u. Prob the fishes got more attention than me now. I'm upset by ur lack in caring.

But on another note, i know that I've not been a good gf to you. What is the secret to find happiness? There is not much events going on in my life. We dont go out that often to play and solely play without a care for time. Since when is the last time we ever went out with the sole purpose to play and relax the whole day? That memory seems non-existent. U say that I would forget easily abt the things that we do. Yes, i do forget easily, cos happiness always seem to be erased by unhappiness. Just a simple gesture will make me happy. I seriously dun remember the last time you came up to me to give me a hug while I'm doing something. The only times I remember u'll initiate hugs are when u say goodbyes to me.

Goodbye hugs.

Hugs dun mean to be like that only. Maybe we are seeing each other too much. I remember that u once said that u cant do things (i forgot what things) cos we are seeing each other too much and take up a lot of ur time. My reply is simple -- if u cant seem to find time to do things like these, it would only mean that ultimately, when u stay with that person as ur spouse, u would lose the ability to shower the person with gifts, love, care, attention, no? I dont want us to end up like that one day, that's why i always rather choose to leave because I know that all these are traits of men.

So far, not one man managed to change my view on this. I thought you might be the first, but seems not....

U always say that I only want to do my own things. Everytime we go out, its doing 'my' things, like shopping and shopping. U dont like it but u nv suggested any other things except going to sentosa. I like to go there in a group cos its more fun and spontaneous but u nv understood cos we are too introvert and nv really mixed with any friends since we got together. I missed my single days when I party like no tomorrow. I missed parties. I missed laughing till i've got sore throat.

U'll ask, "are they really ur true friends?"

Seriously, I dunno, but I really hope they are. Am I too silly?

Being in love doesnt mean no friends. I would want to spend time with friends too, like siqiang to go sentosa (yeah, she likes tanning too but I know that if i asked her along only, she'll not like to play gooseberry), spend time with Rese, though i know that I cant count on her but I like her company. I really have little friends. Sadness. I know that u'll let me go out with them but i always can sense ur unhappiness over the phone when u call while i go out with them, urging me to go home soon, go home soon. I get these phobia when I'm out with friends -- phobia of ur calls.

Haiz, I'm verbal vomitting... whatever, i shall sleep it off.