We got into an argument today... really hate the hassle of quarrelling over little things. I rather be silent or not talk or walk away.

Sometimes, I do feel suffocated by his ways of restraining me. I need my wings, I need my sky and I need to breathe! Probably he is too young to understand that? Or is it just his family culture? I dunno the answer to that question yet... but I could tell that he is willing to change himself for me..

A leopard will never change its spots... is this true or could be proven wrong by him?

My baby, looking smart in formal attire eh?

(PS: Dun ask me why I put such cheery pictures when I'm not writing about happy things.. Its the mood swing eh, just go with the flow! Hah!)

Four and a half months..

Four and a Half months since I plunged into this relationship and yet I feel more and more insecure. I knew this would happen.. and it only meant one thing--- I've fallen for him.

I would get jealous over every little thing.. his past... his friends... This is so uncool! I had tried to keep away from the other gender ever since my painful past relationship.. yet this dude came along and took my hand with him...

Why? WHy?? why did I allow myself to be so vulnerable? Deep inside, I know that he is still an unpolished gem.. he needs more polishing before he can shine and put in sunshine in my life...

Recently, I read some past testi that he wrote in his past... it spelt of lasting love.. yet that did not come true... Now, to me, he promised me lasting love... how am I to believe that it will come true? Indeed, after some probing, I realised that his defination of love is different from mine.. For me, I would stick to the person that I love till my heart really dries up over time... and that would take years.. BUT.. for him... he would love forever but with conditions...

I am truly upset by this. It meant that he does not understand the true meaning of love. It is to give unconditionally. Yet, the sole reason why I am worried over this fact was because I am afraid of getting hurt again... I am also a selfish one... why?... I dun understand anymore.
Should I continue this relationship or just end it to avoid getting hurt?

It is just 4 and a half months after all... Why am I thinking so much?

Mood Swing Time

Its freaking 2 weeks before my exams... and here I am surfing the net, writing blogs, viewing friendster, instead of doing anything constructive to help me in my exams.

I'm so moody now.

He can't keep me company today cos his parents are back the first thing tomorrow morning.. and his sister is staying at her bf's..... The rational me knows that it is only right that he stays home to welcome his parents but my emotional side is angry with that fact. Haiyo.. became so needy all of a sudden when I had worked so hard to changed my personality to be so independent.

Changing is not easy. I had to put in a lot of effort and unhappiness to come out of my comfort zone, to become independent of bfs... to become more driven.... Yet, he wishes that I could be more 'sticky'... At this moment, I still do not wish to give up everything that I had worked so hard to change... not changing baby... not yet... not when I have not really fallen head over heels with you...