I fear for what I cannot see...

I started on this book, named PS I Love You, written by Cecelia Ahern yesterday when I was trying to escape mugging.

Reading through the first few chapters and it brought tears to my eyes. I'm not a fan of crying but there is some where within me where fear of losing someone or something resides. I remember vividly when I was very young, my mummy used to hug me to sleep and sometimes she would ask me what will I do if she's gone. I still remember the exact feeling I have when she asked me that question - hopelessly sad. Whenever I thought seriously about any of my loved one leaving me forever, I would tear...

People who knew me know that I am a tough nut that do not tear easily, except for some things that really struck my raw nerve. Reading that storybook did. When the main character, Holly's husband, Gerry, died, my heart went all out to her. I could feel her sadness, her helplessness and her emptiness. To add on to the pain, Gerry was a very loving and humorous guy who left a monthly note behind after his passing so as to help Holly stand up and face a whole new life - a life without him.

I am so sure that if I am Holly, I would be crying myself dry, especially each time I read a new note from him... OMG... sentimental Lala tonight.. crap. It must be the night la!

Right, before I end my entry, I would like to thank Joycelyn for lending me her book. Alright, I'll go battle with my text again.... argh...

updates

I feel like coming online to write down my thoughts before I head of to sleep. I know that Baby will surely scold me but he is soundly asleep in his bed. How I wish I could sleep beside him too ~~ Wanna hug hug =(

Few days back, on Sat, we went over to his friend's house, Ben's to return and borrow more comics. I would have lost a chance to have a nice chat with someone I just knew if I had decided to sit in the car and waited.

Ben is a trainee teacher. However, i find that he is really good at analysing people and have the guts to just tell the person straight in the face. He got my personality right, the moment he saw me... i was stunned for a while by his ability. How I wished I had that eye too... can pick out details at a glance. Nice..

It was a nice night of chatting, almost about anything under the stars. Should have more time to talk, then I could dig out some past of Baby! *pouts*

Well, although we had to leave cos it was getting too late, I still had a nice time and nice meeting you, Ben!

Nowadays, my Baby has lesser time for me cos of school. *Sulk* but I'm not complaining cos I know that if he do well, he can earn more next time for our future. Keke. I know Baby is doing his best to keep me company le. happy still =)

I myself have to do well man... have to bark myself to study and sleep early. Today is not a good example, keke. There's still so much to do - manicure, revision, tuition, lots and lots of other little things to do... Time Management!!!!

Extension of Monday blues - Tues blues

My life is going down hill.. battling with my chubbiness, my work without the satisfaction, studies stress and the lost feeling of not knowing what to do after my graduation. Seriously, where do I stand in this world? Who is my guide? Who CAN be my guide?

My little pea of a brain is thinking hard of what I can be in the future. Can I be successful like JK Rowling, with just spinning out a magical tale that everyone licks up happily, just like addicts to drugs? Can I be as successful like any other CEOs of an enterprise and rack in the millions? Can I ever lead a happy ever after life, enjoying the pleasures in life with my loved one? Can I? What makes them stand out from the others? or are they just pure lucky with their lives, taking one correct step and jumped all the way to the top.

I am not greedy. I need not be at the top, but at least let me be near the top. I want a comfortable life without ever being reminded of my Daddy's sad face, the day I saw the only 2 dollars in his wallet. My Daddy has come a long way. Salute to my Daddy, he has made some progress while I'm still struggling to stand on my walk, to follow in his footsteps or to make new ones of my own.

Baby, will you help me? Will you hold me when I am so hurt from falling down again and again? Can I trust in you to take care of me when I'm totally worn out and frustrated? Will you shout at me when I shout? Or will you shout with me?